Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Funny how life often dictates what we do, where we end up, and better yet....where we're going to be. I often like to think that I have control of a situation. Here and there actually thinking I made a right decision and wanting to maintain the hirarchy that comes along with that feeling.
Never fails in the end when it's all said and done I always realize I can't always be there all the time for everyone.
You want me to send my 4 year old baby ALONE on that hard, cold, ALONE ice? He doesn't know how! He has never been! He doesn't know anyone! He's .... a a alooonee!
As I stand and watch behind the thick mastered glass I watch as my youngest puts one foot in front of the other, skating, smiling, and waiving. "Hi Mommy" I can barley make out the words through the caged helmet that protect his genius mind.
I waive back and offer an encouraging word that you can clearly make out, " H. I. BABY! BE CAREFUL:)"
Just as soon as the words come out and my lips touch like a moment frozen in time with the clock absolutly stopping, rink now silent, no whistles blowing, I see this tiny creation that I love, protect, nurture, put on a freakin petestal with all of my heart.................SMACK!! Down on the ice! My hand touches the frozen barrier that keeps me from helping him back to his feet and reasurring that Mommy is always nearby. I can see as his face begins to scrowl and his brows turn in.
I turn towards the other parents only to realize they're all just laughing, pointing, and clapping at their little ones.
NO ONE CAN HELP AT THIS MOMENT........................he's helpless.
Suddenly the coach comes by and coarses him to rise to his feet.
"Dust yourself off son, watch as I demonstrate how to get off your back, pick up your stick, and begin again"
As I hold my breath wanting to run yet unable to move, I watch as my baby rises to his feet, dusts himself off, and mirrors the coach when picking up his stick.
He turns and finds me behind the glass.
A giant smile consumes his face.
Pride oozes out of his mask.
I realize I have zero control.
I realize this is what life intended.
I realize how happy he is, proud, and able.
I realize he is not ALONE.
I am so happy for him. :)
I am now another Mother clapping, pointing and laughing.
It has been two weeks and my little one skates with free will and control of his speed, stick, and yes....a puck. All done with a smile and passion.
I realize that even though I feel as though I can't always be there all physically all the time with everyone I sure can be spiritually.
My son told me that he is a "real life HOCKEY player!"
I realize I'm a REAL LIFE MOM. :)